Column #16: Bass Astrology
Published August, 2002

Have you ever wondered why you play the way you do? Why you can play certain styles better than others? How you get a sound that others can't? How others get a sound that you can't? I don't have all the answers, but they may be lurking above the venue. I'm talking, of course, about the stars. The field of astrology has been around for far longer than the electric or acoustic bass. (It even outdates vinyl.) Curious as I am, I've read up on the basics, and I'm here to give you a little insight into how your astrological "sign" may be impacting you as a bassist-and as a person. Just match your birthday and see if anything rings a bell.

ARIES
(March 21-April 19):
You're a me-first person-a brash, pioneering, scout-on-point kind of player. The notes come hard and fast from your tireless hands, for which you are admired. But you don't care much for people telling you what or how to play, so naturally, you're conflicted about playing bass in a supporting role. You're the most likely guy in the band to get into a fistfight with the soundman. Famous Aries bassist: Rocco Prestia.

TAURUS
(April 20-May 20):
Slow and steady wins the race for the Taurean bassist, whose dogged, persistent nature is second to none. You're practical, reliable, and punctual. You always know the tunes cold and are predisposed to patterns and repetition, traits bandleaders love. Given to materialism, you also probably have six basses with silly decorative inlays and red fret-marker LEDs. If there's only one chair in the rehearsal room, chances are you're sitting in it-and won't give it up for anything. Woe be the bandmember who impedes your path to the backstage deli tray. Famous Taurus bassist: Krist Novoselic.

GEMINI
(May 21-June 21):
You know more about the bass than anyone, because you've actually read books about it. Your musical versatility is breathtaking, because you're constantly listening to new music. You also talk a lot about what you know, which according to you is a lot. Some gigs you absolutely nail; on others, you think about why certain woods sound the way they do while the guitarist is cueing the end of his solo for the third time. You may be a poseur. Famous Gemini bassist: John Taylor.

CANCER
(June 22-July 22):
Your emotions are right out there on your sleeve-and fingers. You're extremely supportive of others both during and outside the gig, like a "band mother." You're also a family person-one who prefers the home to the road-and you'd make a great studio musician. Not that you're oversensitive, but your usual reaction to constructive criticism is to say nothing for the rest of the night. Famous Cancer bassist: Stanley Clarke.

LEO
(July 23-August 22):
You are truly the master of your domain, a natural-born bandleader who always craves the center of attention. Often you're a lead singer as well. You'll naturally dominate any group you're in, usually to the band's benefit. Of course, you believe the world simply must hear whatever it is you feel like playing, no matter what it is. If they don't get it, they don't deserve to. Not all are worthy of the majesty of a Leo's bass line. Famous Leo bassist: Geddy Lee.

VIRGO
(August 23-September 22):
Meticulous, analytical, obsessed with getting the little things right … that's the Virgo bassist. No detail is too small to fuss over and eventually bring to perfection. No one else ever does anything right, which gives your true reason for being: professional bass critic. Sometimes you wrap the other band members' cables after the gig, because they can't do it in a way you can live with. At heart, you're a tech. Famous Virgo bassist: Roger Waters.

LIBRA
(September 23-October 22):
You're the glue that holds the band together. You do whatever it takes to create teamwork, fairness, and balance, and if that means changing your bass line, feel, or even playing style, you'll do it. However, you're so determined to avoid conflict that you appear to have no musical opinion-or style-of your own. But at least you're energetic about not offending the A&R guy who tells you to rock back and forth while you play. Famous Libra bassist: Sting.

SCORPIO
(October 23-November 21):
No one-not slimy managers, late-paying bandleaders, rival bassists-will ever get the best of you. The deep intensity you musically project has a subtle, sneaky way of dominating everything around it. Somehow or another, you get whatever you want: a better mix on the record, the best hotel room on the road, the post-show companion of your choice. Even if that companion happens to be the significant other of someone else in the band. Not that you'd ever let anyone find out. Famous Scorpio bassist: Bootsy Collins.

SAGITTARIUS
(November 22-December 21):
You're the ultimate explorer of new musical frontiers, one who needs constant forward motion in both music and life. Forget about form; you'd prefer a jam to start every show. A perfect road dog, you're constantly seeking out new adventures, gigs, and musical styles to master. You're also arrogant, never on time or where you're supposed to be, and about as responsible as a thief in an unlocked bank vault. Famous Sagittarius bassist: Jaco Pastorius.

CAPRICORN
(December 22-January 19):
It's easy to spot you on the gig: You've got the cell phone on the hip, the Palm in hand, and the master plan to nail down the best-paying gigs in town. Your playing-highly competent, if not emotional-is just one small part of the overall business model. You're the quiet power behind the throne in every situation. And when it comes to money, you're tighter than a piccolo snare drum. The bartender does not like you much. Famous Capricorn bassist: John Paul Jones.

AQUARIUS
(January 20-February 18):
They say, "What the Aquarian thinks now, the world will think in 50 years." Your playing approach is so unconventional, it may seem to contemporaries that you're straining to be different. This makes you seem aloof and detached in small-group settings, which is unfair because others don't understand just what a genius you are. The good news is that you're right and they're wrong. The bad news is they won't realize it until you're long gone, which in the meantime means you won't get hired for anything. Famous Aquarius bassist: James Jamerson.

PISCES
(February 19-March 20):
You're hypersensitive and sympathetic to everything around you, which gives you the near-psychic ability to perceive changes in musical dynamics before they actually happen. Deeply emotional in nature, you have a placid, otherworldly quality to your groove. You are especially suited for trance music and acid jazz. But you're so giving and selfless that someone is probably taking advantage of you this very second. If you have a roadie, he probably tells you what to do. Famous Pisces bassist: Billy Sheehan.

As you can see, some of these profiles make more sense than others when practically applied. Oh, and in case you're wondering: I'm a Taurus, and I do fit the general profile. But since I don't know Krist Novoselic very well, I researched other notable Taurean bassists to see how similar we might be. I could find only one: Sid Vicious.

After that, I stopped looking.

By Bryan Beller, copyright 2002 United Entertainment Media. Reprinted from the August, 2002 issue of BASS PLAYER. Reprinted with permission from BASS PLAYER. For subscription information, please call (850) 682-7644 or visit www.bassplayer.com