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Did you miss me????? Believe it or not, my well-earned "vacation" (which pretty much consisted of going to the gym, sleeping and watching basketball...well, that's the PG-13 version, I suppose) didn't even begin until the last weekend in May, and pretty much lasted about 60 hours. But that's just fine with me; I've made the radical discovery that I can actually support myself as a musician in this town without resorting to a day job, government assistance, or even a life of crime specializing in insurance fraud. All this and more on the NEW, IMPROVED, and STREAMLINED "Life Of Bryan"!! It's alright not to believe me about the streamlined part, but I'll do what I can.

First, a quick note about something that happened about 11 hours after I completed the last installment of this fine URL address (dealing with the best/worst of the tour)...I woke up the next morning in Michael Harrison's apartment to find Keneally on the phone discussing lunch plans set for about an hour from that moment. As I stumbled to my feet, I asked Mike just who it was that we were meeting for lunch on practically no notice, and he informed me that it was none other than the man whose place I took in Z, Scott Thunes. Yes, the legendary Zappa bassist...a very large and intense human being that I'd never really been acquainted with. There was something cathartic about this lunch being the true final event of the tour, since Scott's departure from Z was what set all of these wonderful events in motion, but my feelings leading into this meal were mostly fear-oriented. Some of us know that Scott has a reputation for being, well..."difficult" at times, especially to new faces. However, I'm quite pleased to report that, not only am I still alive, but that lunch with Mr. Thunes (and his at- the-time fiancee but at-this-time wife, Georgia) was enlightening and really entertaining. It was really interesting to watch Keneally and Thunes engage in conversation--some of the roots of Mike's more esoteric personality traits are embedded in the relationship they share. The multi-syllabic words and hyphenated phrases were flying across the table like golf balls at a driving range. As for me, well, I can certainly understand how Scott could make life less than pleasant for someone near him if he truly wanted to, but thankfully that was not my fate. Topics of discussion included old Zappa war stories, Thunes' departure from/my entrance into Z (a mercifully short dialogue on this matter), and plans for Thunes' wedding. On the way out, after friendly goodbyes were exchanged, Scott smirked at me for a bit, and then pretended to pimpslap my beaming face backhand/forehand style. Then he walked away. I took it as a term of momentary endearment. Did I say that would be a quick note? Fuck.

Thankfully, Keneally has dealt with a large portion of what's happening with BFD at the moment in his latest "Mike Types To You". Here are my takes on a couple of the latest developments...the bulk of the new Keneally studio album is slated to be recorded in July. Now he says it will be called [Sorry. Censored by MK]. By the release date, that title will probably be relegated to "Snip" status (meaning that there would be a picture of a [Sorry. Censored by MK.] on the cover, it would say [Sorry. Censored by MK.] somewhere on the inside, and the album would be called "Green Eggs And Spam", or something), but we'll see if he means it sometime in 1997. Meanwhile, I've seen "Soap Scum Remover", the "best-of-Bourbon-Square" home video mentioned in Mike's latest writings...it is astounding how good it looks and, for the most part, sounds. As you may or may not know, Joe Travers is the drummer for half of it, and Toss Panos is the drummer for the other (these shows were performed way before the dawn of the Frank Briggs era). The audio from Joe's half is very good room audio, and the Toss half consists of board audio mixed with a little room sound for good measure. The video quality, considering the circumstances of Bourbon Square (and you'll soon know what I mean), is excellent. Todd Dever is the man responsible for this, and you'll all want to thank him when you see his handiwork.

But what about those home videos that me and Mike slaved over to no avail before the tour? Sorry to say this, but...they'll probably never see the light of day. The overall quality of "Soap Scum" is so much better, there's just no point in spending that much time on redoing them. Maybe, one day, we'll edit together ONE video consisting of the very best of those tapes, but I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for that to happen. It's too bad...I lent the NAMM show edit me and Mike did to a local fanatic out here, and he was laughing hysterically at some of the behind-the-scenes footage. I think they're probably funnier if you don't have to pay for them. What else...disc 1 of "Half Alive In Hollywood" is due to be mastered in the first week of July, but we're still waiting for permission on some of the cover tunes that we butchered...hopefully they won't notice. I suppose I could always get in touch with Janie Hendrix about the rights to "Power To Love", now that I know who she is and all that (if you get that "inside joke", you're a truly fanatical reader of this page and need assistance...if not, read the end of "Diary Of A Mad NAMMster" and you will understand just how deep my relationship with Jimi Hendrix's sister really is). The video and the CD, lawyers willing, will be out just as soon as humanly possible, we promise.

And, speaking of both the video and the NAMM show, I have some unfortunate news to report...one casualty of my new found local busy- ness (about which I'll soon tell you) was my relationship with Mary Rose, the wonderful woman who I somehow hornswaggled into hanging out with me for several months by performing a tabletop dance for her benefit in the lobby of the Anaheim Hilton. While we were still together, she was kind enough to lend us the use of her apartment to film some interviews and Keneally/Beller acoustic performances for "Soap Scum" just moments before we were supposed to go out to dinner (she was literally doing her makeup while we were filming downstairs). As a result, you'll all get to see what her apartment looks like, and I'll think good things about her when I watch the video. She was cool.

And just how have I been keeping busy without the Keneally-driven madness of the last couple of months? When we got back from the tour, we still had some work to do...first, in San Diego, then the following week in Denver, so the travelling didn't really stop. Upon my initial return to LA, I had 40 messages on my telephone answering machine, a surprising number of which were work-related. Some new people wanted lessons, and two different local projects requested my musical presence. First off, we have Janet Robin, a very talented and aggressive guitarist/singer/songwriter. Her material is kind of in the Melissa Etheridge/kd lang world, and I love playing her songs--it was nice to play some good pop music after maneuvering through "Uglytown" for two months.

But that's nothing compared to the other band I'm currently involved with. If you ask Eliyahu, the business representative for "Ras Daveed and Providence", what their music sounds like, he would say "mystical trance rock". What he would mean is that the core of the band consists of three Hasidic Jews, long hair, beards and the whole getup, who've traveled from Morocco to France to Canada and now to Los Angeles to spread their message of peace, love, Providence and music. Believe it or not, Toss used to do this gig (they all still worship him from afar). The leader of the band is Daveed, the lead singer and main songwriter. When I mean leader, I mean in every sense of the word--he is an honest-to God Rabbi, and the spiritual leader for their whole community out here, who faithfully show up at every gig. If you could only see what it looked like when we played the Viper Room, and the Hasidic Jewish women were rubbing elbows with LA's most terminally hip while we're up there on stage, three heavy duty Jewish guys, an Indian tabla player, a female violinist, a Rastafarian drummer, and me...total chaos, but somehow it all works, and they pay me for it. My parents are quite pleased with this career development. I guess if I can't date a Jewish girl, a Jewish band will suffice. Mary Rose and I were breaking up just as I started working with these nice Jewish men, and I was a bit depressed, which Rabbi Daveed noticed. He asked me what was wrong, and I told him that me and my girlfriend were splitting, blah blah blah. First he puts his hand on my shoulder and consoles me...then, he asks me, "Was she Jewish?" "Well, no...", I replied meekly. He looks at me, shrugs his shoulders, and dismissively made a noise that sounded like this..."Eh". I could only laugh. Anyway, between the Keneally stuff, Janet Robin, and Ras Daveed And Providence, plus the lessons and some other stuff, I'm actually eeking out a living here in LA without having too miserable of a life. People ask me how I'm doing it, and who I'm playing with, and I tell them that I play with "Mike, the dyke, and the Jews". The looks on their faces as they attempt to envision one band with this name is worth repeating the joke over and over again.

And, as if this isn't enough, I'm currently in the process of learning the album "Rift", by Phish, so that we can somehow play the damn thing by Halloween in Burlington, VT. Ugh. Any musicians out there who are familiar with this album, check out the end of track 4, "Maze". It's a bear.

In closing, here's my thoughts on some new releases...

Soundgarden, "Down On The Upside"---another solid release from one of the best rock bands of the decade...nothing but really good rock songs on this CD.

Metallica, "Load"---I have to admit, I'm a bit disappointed with this effort. Too many mid-tempo rockers, not enough fire to satisfy me. It starts to feel like an AC/DC album after a while, except the songs are about death and depression instead of fast cars and fast women. Maybe I need to listen to this one again.

Self, "Subliminal Plastic Motives"---Dweezil turned me on to this one. Oh yeah--I talked to Dweezil the other day, even if it was because I dialed his number by accident. We talked for a while, and it was cool to be civil with him. He told me that I'd love this, and he was very right---fans of the poppier elements of Mike's music (a la XTC, The Beatles) will love this 90's take on power pop, even if parts of it are a bit typical of this time period.

Rage Against The Machine, "Evil Empire"---the workout music of the gods. Just try and be lazy in the gym with this thing blaring in your ears. A truly awesome CD, especially in the guitar sound department...check out "Revolver" and "Roll Right".

Mike Keneally And Beer For Dolphins, "Half Alive In Hollywood"--- typical crap.

Another huge thank you to everyone who came to see us on the tour...we're only weeks away from planting the seeds for the next adventure. I don't know about you, but I can't wait. In the meantime, enjoy the special pictures-only installment coming your way in the next Act...and please remain seated with your seat belt fastened until The Life Of Bryan has come to a complete stop. We know that you have a choice in web pages and we thank you for you choosing Moosenet, the obvious choice. Local time is 10:29 PM, we've got partly cloudy skies with a chance of............B.B.